I’m 40-plus and still dream about having a husband and starting a family

Dear Coleen

I spent my birthday alone again this year. I’m in my mid-40s and had hoped by now I’d be spending it with a husband and children, but that’s so far eluded me.

I don’t have a good track record when it comes to men. I’ve been set up by friends (without success), and online dating hasn’t worked either.

Sometimes I believe I’ll find a partner and have a child, but then my anxiety kicks in.

My GP has told me I’m at the stage biologically where I have to make a choice – either focus on pregnancy or finding a relationship.

I’m a firm believer in “if it’s meant to be, it’ll be,” “what is for you won’t go by you” and “everything happens for a reason”.

I’m also a firm believer in dreams predicting the future, and I’ve had vivid dreams about my future husband and our family, but he hasn’t put in an appearance yet.

Any words of wisdom you can give me to allay my fears – and hopefully make my next birthday a better one – will be much appreciated.

Coleen says

As comforting as it is to console yourself with those sayings and believe that fate will intervene and deliver what you want, I think you need to be realistic if you want to achieve these goals.

What your GP is trying to say, perhaps not that sensitively, is that if you wait to find the man of your dreams to have a baby with, then you could miss out on being a mum. I hate to bring age into anything, but when it comes to your chances of conceiving either naturally or via IVF, it’s a really important factor. So if you’re considering fertility treatment using a sperm donor, then it’s obviously wise to start as soon as possible.

Of course there are older women who get pregnant naturally and have successful pregnancies, but the stats aren’t in your favour.

We see lots of celebs having babies in their late 40s and sometimes older, but you don’t know how they achieved it. Many of them will probably have had help via IVF, egg donation or surrogacy – they just haven’t gone public with that information.

Even if you met your dream man tomorrow, suggesting you have a baby right away would probably scare him off!

As for your dreams – they’re not a prediction – they’re about wish fulfilment. It’s your unconscious mind revealing what you really desire.

If you want to be a mum, then start exploring your options, which could include adoption.

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