“Stay relaxed, and the Humor not to lose”
The holidays are imminent, soon, we are filled with unconditional love for every single member of the family, the holiday season falls at night stress on the push of a button from us, and whether or not the Christmas dinner also tastes aunt Erna, doesn’t matter – the main thing is, all of them are together.
There may be people for whom this Mantra works. Typical more likely the following scenario, including the thoughts, but the play: The woman rushes shortly before the departure of the parents-in-law through the house and check whether all Windows are closed. She thinks: ‘let’s hope his mother makes a cynical remark about my figure!’.
Her husband loads the Tetris principle of the car and white on the inside already: ‘If my brother starts again at the dinner table, to discuss about his ridiculous political views, am I freaking out!’.
Does this sound familiar? “Straight to the Christmas days, which are associated for many people with a longing for love and harmony, to escalate conflicts, most likely,” says Alexandra Biel corner, Chairman of the Federal Association of Mediation. “This is often due to the romantic notions that everyone has a successful Christmas, which are incompatible with the reality of everyday life, but always.” This need not be so: The psychologist gives tips on what everyone can do in order to survive Christmas as hassle free.
1. The expiry of the holidays in advance to discuss
“Who is defined precisely in advance who is responsible for which task, at Christmas, less Stress,” says Biel corner. “The responsibility for the Festival should be divided.”
Often there is, however, already in the plans to fight. “If in pairs about different ideas exist on how the Feast is to take place,” says Biel corner. “What kind of family is celebrated, what is there to eat traditionally, as the mess runs out?” It is important, first of all with their own ideas and to ask questions about why the particular Tradition is so important.
“Often we struggle with our cherished Ritual to enforce,” says Biel corner. “And it’s the childhood memories of a beautiful Christmas celebration don’t let go.” It might help to be aware of and to discuss as openly as possible, what it’s really about. Compromises of both family worlds can be easier to find.
2. With old traditions sometimes break
Not always, there is a consensus. “Then other solutions can be found by, for example, celebrates separately,” says Biel corner. “Or the family compositions and locations varying each year. It can Yes , each year the individual constellations found be.”
In patchwork families would have to be flexible to stay: “The most Important thing is the needs of the children of the own progress to make,” says Biel corner. You could not celebrate, for example, twice at Christmas, once with mother and once with the father, if a joint is conceivable.
3. Expectations screw down
At the latest, when the advent started time, contrary blaring from all directions, that it will go peacefully and Firmly to be a perfect evening. The worse it is, when, of all things, Christmas is in a fight or something goes wrong.
It does not must be everything perfect: “If the top of the tree falls, then to make a new instead of the culprits for the shards to look for,” says Biel corner. “It helps to loose to stay, and the Humor to keep.” Who will admit that even at Christmas time, something can go wrong, I will automatically have less Stress.
4. Ideas gifts set
We wanted to give us nothing… Who will arrive with empty hands, and in return, gifted, gets an unpleasant feeling. Also, the expensive watch under the Christmas tree can make for awkward moments when the other has only concerned a small matter.
“Also, if it is unromantic sounds, gift wishes and ideas advance, reduced, disappointed expectations,” says Biel corner. “If there are different income, creates one for all the same conditions by a limitation of cost.”
5. Sexy topics to avoid – or in advance to clarify
The daughter has decided to tattoo the whole Arm, and proclaimed to the Christmas table: There are issues on which different opinions have been programmed. “The topics are always difficult, need not be at the Christmas addressed,” says Biel corner. Instead, you could try, inconsistencies and conflicts in advance or in retrospect to clean up the good mood’s sake.
6. Children in armed situations explain
If it then but once the dispute comes, it is important to give children the background to explain, says Biel corner. It is not bad if children mitbekämen the dispute. “It is important that you learn that a conflict is something Normal, you structurally can deal with it.”
“What should argue to avoid parents, in Front of the children about children,” says Biel corner. “Because children can quickly get into a loyalty conflict.” If the parents at Christmas arguing over their children, may feel guilty that Christmas is not are nicely.
7. Dispute and mediate, if possible
“From Evolution we know that there are only three reactions to threatening situations: fight, flight or play dead,” says Biel corner. “That’s how we are still in dispute situations.” Especially in families find themselves repeating the same pattern. If tempers are heated to be, whether it is for the Parties to difficult, from their perspective, to drain. Sometimes, it could help an outsider to mediate.
8. The mother-in-law to understand
The relationship to the parents-in-law is not in all families. Even if it is a cliché, there are often between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problems. “Mothers, it is difficult for the son to let go of. The has often with Fears and uncertainties about its changing role as a mother-in-law to do,” says Biel corner. “You can help shape your son so much – this is hard to bear.”
Well, it was to make the new role together. Could help if the mother-in-law gets the feeling that it’s her son well. To speak “well on top of each other, each other appreciation is a key for a good relationship to the parents-in-law,” says Biel corner. “It is important that husband and wife form a unit , and the Partner in difficult situations clear behind his partner provides.”
If someone has made a mistake, it is important to apologize for it. “Excuse me, is a 50/50-performance, “says Biel corner. “The Opposite must be able to accept the apology, too.” This could only be the other but, if the apology is real. The important thing is that you would like to understand what led the other Person to act as – no matter whether you agree with it. And everyone should be able to give his share of the Situation: “If I only explain, why the other is to blame, that I conduct myself so, that brings nothing at all,” says Biel corner. “An honest apology only works when you self – reflect can.”